My 10 Moms

(Originally written September 2011. Two months before Bean arrived!)

As my stomach swells more and more each day, I'm reminded that this whole kid thing is really real.

really.

I'm going to be a mom.

Moments of euphoria and sheer panic usually follow.

What do I know about being a mother? (When I was eight, I had a goldfish for a week and within that time frame, forgot I had a goldfish...my past caretaker forays have been subpar at best)

Let's rewind even more for a minute.

vipppperriiibbbbirrrrrrrrib

{yes. that would be my rewind sound effect}

...

In 1988, a man and a woman had a baby. A baby they knew had to live with another family in order to be loved.

In 1988, another man and a woman prayed for a baby. A baby they knew they had plenty of love to give. 

Hooray! That baby was me. Is me. Was me? Officially adopted at 6 months.(I looked just like that little guy up there. I know cause I've seen the ONE photo I have of me at that age. All you second children of the 80s know what I'm talking about)

Remember, life has a way of getting really real though.

Cue those moments of euphoria and sheer panic.

In 1999, my mom passed away, completely out of the blue.

With just little ol' me in a houseful of boys, many other women in my life stepped in to help.

Even the manliest of men shudder at the thought of going at it alone into the world of training bras, periods, and the birds and bees with an 11 year old daughter.

P.S. My Dad is my hero.

So, my aunts, grandma, and best friends' moms soon became chauffeurs, cooks, and fashion consultants.

They saved me from some awkward months of mismatched clothes and egg and cheese burritos for dinner 5x per week.

Note: My Dad's egg and cheese burritos are seriously still one of my favorite things in this world.

They also saved my Dad from the dreaded puberty talk.

Thanks Aunt Mars.

I will never forget that beach trip, you sly fox, you. 

"Oh, on the way, let's listen to this tape I just.so.happened. to bring." 

Then, my Dad got his smile back.

He began laughing again.

Her name is Rachael.

And they recently celebrated their 10 year anniversary.

...

So, back to me. Preparing to be someone's mom.

When

I've had a mom who couldn't keep me.

and a mom who had to leave me.

And

I now have a mom who needed me as much as I needed her. 

Confused yet?

Perhaps I've learned grace.

A beautiful goodness that shines a light in any of those dark complicatedly confusing places.

I think Baby Bean and I will be just fine.

xoxo

{Bon Bon}