Friday, December 7, 2012

BitterSweet





{Christmas 2009 in Rwanda}



Without fail, the Christmas season brings about a deluge of emotions into my everyday. I become a dichotomy of Kringle and Scrooge, with a dash of Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life." Each year as December waves a hurried hello, I find myself conflicted in this conundrum between reveling in my steamy cup of peppermint Starbucks and rehashing the justification of a $5 cup of roasted beans. 
And sometimes burnt beans at that. 

I've been told that what I'm paying for is the "experience." 
The atmosphere. 
Feeling warm and cozy. Safe. 

I don't think I want a "safe" life though. 

In the sense of car seats and air bags and back-up parachutes, or the time I went cliff jumping in Hawaii and at the moment of ocean plunge thought to myself, "a life jacket sure would've come in handy right about now," then yes, I'm all on board with that version of "safe." 

{Lesson learned: This is the real world, and Free Willy doesn't always have your back and scrambling back up a cliff full of barnacles is.the.worst} 



But, in life. Safe. The same thing, day after day, year after year. Filling the voids with "stuff" and digging yourself deeper into emptiness. 

I sure hope not. 


This revolving door of transcendent hope, whirls around season after season.

It opens into my morning, afternoon, and evening.



I can't help it. 

My life is ruined for the ordinary, 
and so has my Christmas. 


xoxo

{Bon Bon}





6 comments:

Madeline Grace said...

These pictures made my day. I also am adding cliff diving to my list of things to do in my life.

bandofbrothers said...

wow. you inspire me deeply. thank you.

Stephanie said...

There's something about this time of year that always makes me second guess my life. I think it's the fact that year is coming to a close and we're 'supposed' to start the new year fresh. I go through a similar sort of reflection just about every year and yet, by March, I'm back to the same old everyday grind. Definitely know what you mean by bittersweet.

Leah Rife said...

Love this! My husband and I have been talking about this recently. The Christmas shopping and materialistic push...it just all seems so empty and meaningless. We've decided we're not getting each other gifts this year, but rather more time together this holiday season. It's not really about us anyway, but about giving time and energy and sacrificing for others. That's how we feel anyway.
Thanks for your wonderful thoughts, I enjoyed reading this!

Shay said...

I loved reading this- I cannot believe you went cliff jumping, crazy!

danielle riebel said...

Yes.

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