Saturday, December 15, 2012


As if Christmas and my narcissistic life in general didn't always bring about a waterfall of emotions,
which has compelled me to regurgitate a weak assembling of my scattered thoughts in recent posts like {this} and {this}. 

And then to further feel an urge to write about {this}. 
When mere words are not enough.
They never will be.  

I have experienced sudden traumatic loss in my own life. 
The shockwave of which, has defined me in numerous ways. 

For a long time, I didn't feel anything. Effortlessly numb and absentmindedly fulfilled in my emptiness. 

The fire in my soul grew dim year after year, before those tiny embers slowly flickered again. 

Whereas, the "me" today burns and aches and groans and weeps with a burden of empathy. 

It almost becomes unbearable. 
This weight of shattered innocence and brokenness.
 Lives that will never fully do what they were simply created to do. 

While those left behind are always forced to clean up the fragments. 
Piecing together a frustrating puzzle of existence, now a patchwork of gaping holes.

That's where we are.
A messy world. Full of messy people. Including you and me. 
Sometimes it looks pretty and put together. 
The facade that I find myself believing in, all too readily. 
Until reality leaves me breathless, and clinging to Heaven desperately. 

Because there has to be more than this. 

There has to be more than this snippet of life on earth.
More than who and why. this and that.
More than politics 
and debates. 
More than pain.
and emptiness. 
More than evil. 
and darkness, 
dear God, 
more than
Fathers and Mothers burying their Children.


 What offered me hope thirteen years ago, 
 continues to deliver the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

It is the greatest gift I have this season. 


{Bon Bon}


Elle - The Violet Reaction said...

There definitely has to be more! I love how you've put this. Well done. I can't imagine getting through these things without the incomprehensible hope that comes from our Father.

Leigh said...

Sending you big hugs & prayers.

Rebecca said...

Amen.There is definitely more, more than we can see.

Kiersten said...

You're right...there has to be more.
And I want to believe there it. At moments like this though, it's hard to see the good in life or the point of it all.
I promise it's there though...or at least I hope.
<3 Kiersten

Claire || said...

So true. These lonely, devastating, and dark moments initially make me sick to my stomach and wish I wasn't here anymore - that none of us were here anymore. But I am thankful that my hope is in the Lord. He has conquered death, pain, loss, and the rest of it. Praying all who are suffering this Christmas season will find the light and place their hope in the Lord. It truly is the only thing we have.

ashley nicole catherine said...

there is more!! part of that "more" is honesty like this.. thank you for sharing! xo

Marshall said...

It's heartbreaking. But you're absolutely right - there IS more! I know the Lord can bring good out of literally anything, even something as awful and evil as this, and I have faith that He will.

I've become such a bad commenter, but I had to tell you this was beautifully written (:

Merry Christmas!

helen said...

thank you so much for stopping by and for your sweet comment! you have a wonderful blog, and this heartfelt post is beautifully written. it is so true that we live in a messy world...which shows us that we are definitely meant for more :)

burun estetigi said...

Heads up to your art dear....keep sharing this type of posts...
Burun Esteti─či

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