Wednesday, March 27, 2013

My Cart is Half Full

{Shopping Before Bean} 
The fox fur could be an exaggeration, but I vaguely remember the styled hair as being a real thing}

{Shopping After Bean}
aka Harry Houdini reincarnated. 
Our Vegas cart-seat escape show is in the works.
And I'm only 96% sure that's chocolate on my dress.

I used to naively chuckle at the frazzled mothers hustling their offspring through the aisles of...anywhere. 

(basically, any public building with shelves and things to grab off those shelves) 

My Target Retreat bubble of isolation could be popped by so much as the seemingly shrill gurgle of a newborn's coo, and I'd wheel in the opposite direction, 
clicking my judgmental heels towards the fancy-free lanes of life filled with things like, "Fragile," and "Look Don't Touch." 

There were many peaceful, tantrum-free excursions during those years among the land of humans who don't internally combust when they have to put a pair of pink glitter mary-janes back on the shelf. I'll admit that.

But, oh how those years were lonely! 
When I was all by myself, leisurely carting through without a care in the world...

With no one to fling the entire contents of my purse onto the conveyer belt for me. 

Or be the Thelma to my Louise in a Mentos pilfering spree at checkout stands across the state.


Funny how something starts sounding unreal the more you say it?

But until you've heard a 16 month old cheer you on as the basket gets filled with "NANAAAAAS" (bananas), "COOOOOKAHHHS" (graham crackers, which he thinks are cookies), and "BASthKKKETBALLS", (oranges/melons/anything round like a basketball), 


it's just all a bit unreal.

Especially, the love you can have for a toddler wailing in the key of firetruck engine through aisle 8 while you try and calm him down by singing " The Hip Hop Bunny Came Today" from the Easter episode of Dora the Explorer.  


Don't worry, I'm laughing at myself too. 


{Bon Bon}


*never go through aisle 8. Or whatever the squeezable fruit puree aisle is in your store.
**or the shoe aisle. Never.Ever. 
***Now I naively chuckle at the mothers of two, three, four, or more kids. 


Angela said...

I love these posts!! I certainly feel for you, but I'm glad you can find the humor in these situations. :)

Mish Lovin' Life said...

bahaha oh man... the things I have to look forward to!!! ;)


Teri Brown said...

It gets a little easier as they get older, but then they want cereals that they see on TV which have 25 grams of sugar per serving and you have to tell them no and you get into an argument as you throw a box of grape nuts into the cart instead and there are a few tears, but just yours because your kid has already moved on to begging for a Lunchable.

You know what...never mind. They go to school eventually, and then you get to shop alone again. :)

Megan Lane said...

oh my gosh you are a hoot!! i have not yet experienced this phenomenon yet.. can't wait! haha.

Andrea {kerubo mama} said...

Bahaha oh girl I hear you! You really do have to put all your brains/singing skills/diversion tactics/record fast shopping abilities/etc etc etc to good use all at the same time when shopping with a toddler. OH MY. Sometimes I definitely long for those "lonely" shopping trips.. ;)

Allie said...

Oh my goodness you are hysterical and I love the illustration. I always feel bad for moms when their child is screaming and all they want to do is some shopping.

Amanda Wissmann said...

Ok I am SO in love with this post! HILARIOUS! My kiddo is only 5 months but man, oh man how I love him and his funniness! :)

Thanks for stopping by my blog today! Glad you did so I could find yours!

Jenn D said...

hhahahaha! I like my alone shopping time now... I think I'm in for a rude awakening (but hopefully not for a few more years!)
With Luck Blog

Chelsea said...

This is really funny! I'm sure that I'll be like this soon enough.

Courtney B said...

Oooooh those babies! It's amazing how they change our perspective.... And our WORLD!

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